Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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