Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
