Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
