I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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