So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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