Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Im part way to drunk.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
