So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
