Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
