I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
