i just wanna soil my oats bro
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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