You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Are my feet made of real feet?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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