Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
