I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
