Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
