she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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