maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
