Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
