Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
