I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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