We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
