We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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