I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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