T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
