Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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