I just pynch a tree in the face
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
