I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
