Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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