Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
