So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
