Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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