So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
