I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
