I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
