My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
