you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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