drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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