I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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