The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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