im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
ok first of all what the fuck
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