he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I need to calm my uterus...
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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