Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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