I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
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