she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
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