Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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