I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
