I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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