New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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