I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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