So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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