Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
