That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Two words: blizzard sex
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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