You made me cry and you don't even care
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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