How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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