guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
