I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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