From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Success! We fucked roommates!
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
