He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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