I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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