I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
