taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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