Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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